


Choices We Make

by shallwethen



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallwethen/pseuds/shallwethen
Summary: He was obsessed with appearances, and she needed to feel needed. They love each other, but Rafael Barba and Annabelle Wilson go their separate ways. Going for who makes her feel needed leaves Annabelle coming into Manhattan SVU, knowing she needs to leave her abusive fiance and Rafael was the last person to make her feel safe.





	1. Chapter 1

“Can I help you?”

The detective standing in front of Annabelle Wilson was obviously concerned, but then again, she had two black eyes and her arms wrapped tight around her middle. She’d come here looking for the last person she’d been around that made her feel safe. When she realized John would be gone overnight, she threw what was vital into a bag. The last straw had been when he decided she was having an affair. He’d knocked her around before, but now she couldn’t hide it and her sides ached when she moved.

“C-can someone get ahold of Rafael Barba?” she asked softly, her heart pounding. She was waiting for John to come around the corner. For someone to force her to his apartment. Her own was abandoned, but still in her name.

“You need Barba?” the blonde man asked, motioning for her to sit. “What happened?”

“I- my fiance. Just, please, I need to see Rafael. Tell him it’s Annie Wilson. I’m not mad, but I’m scared and I’m finally doing it,” she pleaded, eyes welling up. 

“My name is Sonny Carisi,” he finally said, scooting a box of tissues closer to her. “I’ll call him.” She nodded, taking the tissue and watching the space around her. Her hands twisted the sleeve of her sweatshirt, one she realized suddenly she’d stolen from the very man she was looking for. 

“Barba,” Rafael had answered, already dreading whatever it was Carisi wanted. He didn’t have anything he expected from SVU.

“It’s Carisi,” he’d said, and Rafael rolled his eyes, mouthing a ‘Thank you’ as he took his coffee. “I got a woman who came in. Annie Wilson.”

“Annie?” he repeated, freezing in the middle of a busy sidewalk and letting the crowd shuffle him to the side. “Is she okay? What did John do?”

“So you know her?”

“Is she okay?” Rafael repeated, grip on his brief case tightening.

“Beat up,” he said, pacing where he hoped she couldn’t hear him. “How do you know her?”

“Personal,” he said flatly, coming together enough to reroute himself. He was only blocks from Manhattan SVU. 

“She says to tell you she’s not mad, she’s scared, and she’s finally doing it.”

“Ay dios mio. I’m on my way. Go fix her tea. Place her in a room where she doesn’t feel so exposed.” Carisi hung up, following Barba’s directions. Soon enough, Annabelle was ever so slightly more relaxed, hugging the mug to her chest. 

“Where is she?” Barba asked Carisi, jaw locked. Carisi led him to her, doing his best to keep attention from being drawn. When he opened the door, Annabelle jumped, relief washing over her as she spotted him. 

“Rafael,” she whispered, scared he’d disappear if she moved. In the meantime, he set his briefcase aside, rushing to her side. 

“You’re leaving him?” he asked. He left her space to lead, hand brushing through her hair. 

“I should’ve listened to you.”

“You were in love.”

“I thought I could fix him.”

“I know, mi cielito. But no one has the right to hurt you.”

“I recorded it. I don’t want him to get away with it.”

“That’s the brave girl who moved in by me,” he praised, relaxing when she smiled a little. 

“He gets home tomorrow. I got what I care about. Left his ring. Where do I go, Rafi? He knows where the apartment is.”

“Stay with me. It’s just across the hall, but I can have guards. I know you won’t sleep in there. First, I need you to tell Carisi, okay? And play whatever you’ve recorded. Do what you need to do while I set up protection. He won’t hurt you again.”

“I’m sorry I chose him, Rafi. You didn’t need me to fix you.”

“And the age difference scared me. I know. But I’m proud you’re leaving. I’ll help you through. We weren’t in the stars, Annie, but I still care about you.”

"I know, Rafi. I'm ready."


	2. Chapter 2

“Let me clean your shoulder,” he said softly, watching as Annie took chairs in his apartment and wedged them under the door. He’d stayed close to her as they documented every injury. It pained him to see her like this; he’d been in love with her ten years ago. The apartment across the hall was hers. Her father, a surgeon, had owned it. When he died, he left it to his daughter. She was in school for literature, and he wanted her in a nice neighborhood. 

“It’s fine,” she lied, the pull of bandages dried to the cuts from the mirror stinging with each movement. “He’s going to come looking, Rafi. We gotta know if he gets in.”

“Let me help,” he said softly, taking the chair as he saw blood had seeped through the bandage and now the sweatshirt. “I’ll wedge the chair. Close the curtains, and then let me change your bandage, cariña.”

“Fine,” she acquiesced, moving to close the curtains and moving an ottoman to ensure they overlapped. Once she approved of the way he’d barricaded his door, she wrapped her arms around herself. He led her to the bathroom, silently handing her one of his shirts that would allow him to reach her bandages without leaving her exposed. She opened the door, chewing her lip.

“It may hurt,” he whispered, pulling her hair to the side. She nodded, wincing as he pulled the bandage from her skin. She’d told the detective John suspected she was having an affair. He threw her into a full-length mirror, then kicked her abdomen and punched her, first in the gut, then in the face. If this were a case, he’d be disgusted a man could treat a woman like this, but he could view it as work and focus on putting the abuser in jail. Right now, Rafael Barba wanted to hunt down John Davis and beat him until he couldn’t stand.

“I’m sorry, Rafael,” she finally said as he bandaged her skin.

“What for?” 

“I’m intruding on your life. I’m inconveniencing you.” He laughed lightly, righting his shirt over her shoulder and reaching for his hairbrush. 

“No, you’re not. I regretted leaving you every day. It was stupid and self-centered of me. Do you have a hair tie?” She held it up, and he began gently brushing her hair out. When his mother had broken her arm, at the hands of his father no less, he had spent many an evening brushing and braiding her hair. It seemed to calm her; maybe, it would calm Annie. Methodically, he brushed out long blonde locks, carefully braiding her hair. He could tell from Annie’s happy hum that it was helping her to at least feel human again. 

It had been thirty-six hours since Annie decided she would leave John. She’d met him the same time she met Rafael, but he’d always pursued her. Rafael was who she actually cared about. She’d been afraid to come to him. Rafael and she had spent many evenings together. John was trying to start a relationship, but she held out hope. Rafael, however, was much older than her. She was twenty-one at the time, and he was in his early thirties. One night, she confessed how she felt, and he admitted to feeling the same. That’s why his note hurt so badly. 

‘I’m sorry. I can’t. You’re too young, and it looks bad.’

“I understand why you left,” she said softly, stepping from the bathroom and going to his couch. “I was too young. You were trying to work with SVU, and how would it look if your girlfriend was barely legal?”

“I shouldn’t have cared how it looked. It wasn’t wrong.”

“But look at you,” she smiled softly, watching him move to pour a drink. “You did it. I’m proud of you, Rafael. You’re doing good.”

“I work with SVU because of mamá, but now, I also do it because I remember running into you when you were with him. You had that bruise on your wrist like someone grabbed you and seemed so beaten down.”

“And I wasn’t ready to admit it. You called me that night, Rafi. You did all you could. I thought if I tried hard enough, I could fix him,” she said, voice growing thick. “I really did love him. I tried so hard, but I don’t think he knows what love is. That’s the day I knew I had to leave. It just took a whole year to actually do it.”

“It’s not your job to fix a person,” Rafael sat beside her and offering a drink she gladly accepted. 

“I know. But I want to.”

“I know. You’re a saint. You deserve to be treated like one.” She huffed, nudging her way under Rafael’s arm. “I had the guest room set up. I put your bag in there. Tell me if you need anything at all, okay?”

“I will, Rafi. I’m not teaching a class this summer, so I’ll have time to figure things out and move back across the hall.”

“Why didn’t you sell it?”

“I think I knew I’d need it.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was past midnight when he heard her wake up screaming again. He’d gone to her the first time, but she didn’t seem to like his intrusion.

“Don’t touch me,” she had shrieked, slapping him hard.

Rafael didn’t want anything to stress her further, so this time, he sat up in his room. Accepting he wasn’t going to actually sleep, he reached for his book, flipping the lamp on and starting to read. Tonight he’d grabbed The Time Machine. She’d found out he hadn’t read it when they first started spending time together and immediately left him a copy, the same one he was reading now. He read for ten minutes, setting it aside as soon as he heard her bare feet in the hall. It was a sound he recognized too easily after all this time.

“Rafi?” she whispered, tapping hesitantly on the doorframe.

“C’mere, cariña,” he answered, lifting the blanket. She scrambled to his bed, clinging to his side. He wrapped his arms around her, lips pressed to her temple.

“I keep dreaming he finds me and kills me.” Her eyes were screwed shut as she fisted his white t-shirt. He still smelled the same he always had, and the familiarity relaxed her slowly.

“I’m going to keep you safe,” he murmured, holding her tight. “You can stay here until you feel safe. We’ll find you a therapist. He’ll never lay a hand on you again.”

“I’ll have to see him in court.”

“And I’ll be there. I’ll be sure of it. You have an order of protection, and you have a hell of a lot of police officers on your side.”

“I’m scared to leave the apartment,” she admitted.

“It’s June and classes don’t start until August. We’ll work through it. Now sleep, Annie. I have to work tomorrow, but you’ll be safe. You can call me if he comes here. John will be arrested. And I know you won’t sleep while I’m gone.”

“Goodnight, Rafael,” she whispered.

“Goodnight, Annie,” he murmured, waiting until she’d fallen asleep to drift off. When he woke, the chair from the writing desk in his bedroom was wedged beneath the door. Carefully, he untangled himself from her before moving to his shower. He heard her wake and start to move, donning a robe before stepping back out to walk towards the closet. Annie watched him, feeling like it was wrong. She’d just left John, but she could tell she was falling back into her routine with Rafael. 

Did it count as wrong when you’d never wanted to lose him?

“Can I call you during the day?” she asked, chewing her lip as she watched him dress through the door frame. He was always elegant; there was no other way to describe it.

“Of course. I’ll be in court, but I’ll call you whenever I can,” he assured her, fastening his suspenders. “I can come pick you up after work. We can go to dinner.”

“No. Not looking like this,” she whispered. “He never let it be visible before.”

“Cariña…” His voice was soft as he moved to sit beside her on the mattress. “I wasn’t thinking. Once your bruises heal, I’ll take you out to dinner. Maybe The River Cafe? You always wanted to go there.”

“You don’t have to do that, Rafi. You’re doing so much.”

“I want to. I let you go once. I don’t care in what capacity. I need you in my life, Annie. You just left John, and I was terrible to leave you like that. I expect nothing romantic. But you’re important to me, and I want to celebrate the fact you won’t end up married to him.”

“You want to celebrate that I won’t end up dead.” Annie had always been blunt. It was easy to forget when she seemed so delicate, but it was soothing to realize she was still her.

“Can you blame me?” She just kissed his cheek.

“Go put your tie on. You’ll be late.” He went back to the closet, fixing his tie, putting on his jacket, and situating his pocket square. She smiled softly, smoothing his lapels when he came back to her.

“Call me if you need me. If I don’t answer and it’s an emergency, I’m texting you Carisi, Rollins, Finn, and Olivia’s numbers.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Anything for you,” he said simply, rubbing her back. “I’m going to leave, but you can come with me to fix the chairs.”

“I know it’s silly. It just helps me feel safe.”

“Then it isn’t silly. And eat, cariña.”

“I’m a big girl, Rafi. I know how to function.”

“I just worry,” he laughed lightly. She wrapped around him. 

“Be safe. I’ll be here.”

“Te amo.”

“I know, Rafi. I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

_Annabelle Wilson, Missed Call & Voicemail, 20m ago_

_Annabelle Wilson, Text Message, 5m ago_

Rafael already wanted to kill John, but the nervous texts throughout the day made him realize he wanted to obliterate him from all of time. Annie hadn’t called him yet, though, and the fact she now had made him worry. He swiped the notification, jaw locking when he read it.

_He’s texting me. He knows. He’s asking if I’m with you, and he says the police can’t tell him he can’t come near me._

Barba thanked whatever God there may be this waited until the end of the day. He’d won his case and spent his lunch picking up little things he hoped would make her feel more normal. She’d taken clothes and basic toiletries, but that was it. He was now glad he had, hoping it could at least remind her she wasn’t living with John anymore. She’d always smelled like roses before, but now she smelled sickly sweet. He suspected John had decided it was her new scent, so he bought the staples he remembered her loving. With his briefcase and shopping bag in hand, he texted Olivia.

_John’s contacting Annabelle. Do something._

After, he dialed Annie, making his way home as quickly as he could. His heart was pounding, and he hoped John wasn’t anywhere near his apartment.

“Rafi?” she sniffed, and he found himself now hoping he did run into John to kill him.

“Annie, it’s okay. I’m almost home, okay? It’ll be okay.”

“He said he’s gonna come to take me home.”

“I won’t let him. He’s going to be arrested, cariña.”

“I keep hearing footsteps in the hall,” she managed, tears falling. He was on speakerphone because her hands were shaking too badly to hold the phone.

“I’m going to call Olivia, then I’ll call you right back, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed. He hung up, seeing a text from Olivia that said she was sending Finn and Carisi. He let out a sigh of relief, calling Annie back.

“He’s outside the door,” she whispered, and Rafael could hear her carefully closing the door and moving another chair. “I’m in your room.”

“Finn and Carisi are on their way,” he promised. “He’s going to be arrested. There was already a warrant, but he didn’t go home.” He saw Carisi and Finn arriving at the same time he did. “I’m here, and I see them. We’re coming up.”

“You stay. He thinks this is all your fault. He’s threatening you. Please, stay downstairs until they have him in the car.”

“Annie…”

“No. You stay down there, Rafael Barba.”

“Full name means business. Got it.” He covered the speaker, looking to the detectives. “He’s outside my apartment. He’s threatening her and me.”

“We got this, Barba. He’s violating the order and got a warrant out? His ass is getting arrested.”

He nodded, moving to a bench near the building and setting his bag and briefcase between his feet. “I got you presents, Annie.”

“You’re doing more than enough.”

“You don’t smell like roses anymore. Is that on purpose?”

“John picked it all. He likes me to smell sexy.”

“You smell like someone else. I brought you the perfume you were so excited about. And some other stuff.”

“I missed flowery stuff.”

“I figured. Just stay in my room. He’s getting arrested, and then, I’ll fix you a hot bath. Sound okay? I got you some pajamas too. You said you forgot to pack them.”

“I don’t deserve all this.”

“Annie, you do. And I’m going to treat you like you deserve until you remember.” All he could hear on the other side of the line was her crying. He was watching the door for Carisi and Finn, hand running over his face. “Annie.”

“D-don’t.”

He just listened, darting into the building once John was put into the cruiser. John yelled threats after Rafael, and he made a mental note to see about a protection order for himself. “Cariña, come let me in. He’s been arrested.” Suddenly, he could hear the chair be pushed aside and the door pulled open before she launched herself at him and cried into his coat. He backed her up enough to set the briefcase and bag inside the door, lifting her and kicking the door closed. He locked the door and fastened the chain, carrying her to the couch and sitting with her on his lap.

“I was so scared,” she finally whispered when she’d begun to calm down. Rafael had been holding her for a half hour, soothing her gently.

“You did everything right,” he assured her. “How about we get you cleaned up? Then I’ll order a pizza, and we can watch a movie.”

“Deal,” she sniffed. He arranged her on the couch, moving to pick up his shopping bag. She teared up again. “I don’t deserve this. I’m just making your life harder.”

“You’re making it better because you’re in it. Now here are some pajamas. I remember you liked this kind. And then this is the perfume you like. Lotion, bath bomb, whatever those are, bath salts, bubble bath, a face mask, and then this lip balm that the sales lady said could go on cuticles and elbows. Also, leave in conditioner? Is that a thing, cariña? All rose scented.”

“Rafi, this is too much.”

“No, it’s not. You need to have some extras so you feel relaxed.”

“It’s a waste of money.”

“You never said that before.” She chewed her lip, and suddenly, Rafi realized. “He told you that you don’t deserve extras, didn’t he?” She nodded. “I’m going to kill him.”

“I don’t though.”

“You do.”

“What good have I done? I invaded your home, messed up your schedule, need constant contact, and just made you have to bring cops over. And you’re rewarding me.”

“You survived, cariña. Ten years, he’s treated you like shit. You’re smart, compassionate, hilarious, and headstrong. You left. I’m so proud of you.”

“But I stayed in the first place,” she managed, face contorted as she tried not to cry again.

“It’s not your fault.” He held her close, feeling how tense all of her muscles were, like she was ready to take off. “Humor me. Take a bubble bath. Do a face mask. Put on pajamas. Eat some pizza with me. I think it may help.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this update took so long! I'm in a summer grad class, and it's kicking my butt. Updates may be a little sporadic over the next month, but then updates will be weekly.

“Will you sit with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

“I will,” he promised. “Do you want to use my tub? It’s bigger.”

“I don’t--”

“You aren’t intruding.”

“Yes,” she nodded. He kissed her temple, taking her new toiletries and drawing her a bubble bath. He watched her from the corner of his eye as she washed her face and applied the mask. Maybe it was the action, maybe it was the scent, but she began to relax ever so slightly. When she undressed, he turned away until she was in the tub. He’d seen her naked body many times before, but he was still a gentleman. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel vulnerable.

“How do you feel?”

“Spoiled,” she teased lightly.

“Is it helping you?”

“I-I feel like I did before.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel pretty and human,” she said, voice barely audible. He placed his hand on hers at the side of the tub. “Can you sing, like you used to?”

“I don’t have a piano in the bathroom, cariña.”

“You sing Sinatra acapella.” It was the first time she’d asked for anything beyond his presence, and Rafael couldn’t say no. Sitting up against the wall, he started singing softly. “The Best is yet to Come” had always been one of her favorites, and he watched as she slowly relaxed. If John had changed her perfumes and body washes, maybe it was some sort of scent memory. The cloying perfume reminded her of John; maybe the feminine rose scent reminded her of the time before. Carefully, she washed her hair with his shampoo, dunking her head under the bubbles to scrub the mask from her face and rinse her hair.

He kept singing as she took his razor and began to shave her legs. Annie hadn’t taken this kind of time for herself in a long time. She found herself moving from feeling human to feeling like a woman. Once she’d shaved her legs and underarms, she settled her chin on her folded arms. She rested them on the edge of the tub, watching Rafael sing. She was getting pruney, but he seemed relaxed too. This was familiar. Normally, he’d have been behind her in the tub, but for now, this would work. She needed to recover before she considered anything but a friendship. Rafael understood that. He was always a good and patient man.

“Can you hand me a towel?” she asked softly. He cracked his eye open, nodding. Save the bruising, she looked like herself.

“Here. I’ll step to the kitchen. Take your time.” She smiled, thankful. Once she’d dried off, she applied the lotion he’d gotten her, put leave-in conditioner in her hair, and applied lip balm. The smell of roses enveloped her, and she knew Rafael had figured out something she’d missed, like usual. The first thing John had taken over was picking all of her products. She preferred floral scents, rose and occasionally lavender. 

John said it wasn’t sexy enough, replacing all her bath products with overwhelming smells that he claimed turned him on; florals smelled like a grandma, he’d said. That wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to smell delicate and feminine; he wanted her to smell sweet and sexual. Rafael preferred clean smells, she knew, but he understood that florals were her thing. She slipped on the pajamas he brought her, another point of difference. She liked shorts and a t-shirt, usually a matching set in a kitschy pattern. John had replaced all her pajamas with lingerie. Rafael had brought her shorts and a short sleeve buttoned pajama top in a lemon print. She wasn’t used to what she wanted being considered in the last ten years.

“Rafi?” she called softly, leaving her hair down to curl. She spotted him in the kitchen, pulling out delivery menus. He looked up at her and smiled. 

“You seem better,” he smiled warmly.

“I feel like me,” she admitted, sitting on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He’d put on sweatpants that sat low on his hips and a white t-shirt, his usual sleep attire. 

“You’re carrying yourself like you. Did you need help bandaging your shoulder?”

“I got it. Thank you.”

“I’m glad to. I like having you around.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Always have.” She moved to hug him. 

“I went to SVU because I knew you were working with them, and I wanted to go to the last person who made me feel safe.” His arm tightened around him.

“Even after I left?”

“Yeah. I hated you for a long time. But then I understood. It would’ve looked bad. Don’t think what you did was right, but I get it.”

“It was still stupid.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I don’t get it.” 

“So we’re okay?” he asked softly, rubbing her back.

“We’re okay. I’m not wanting to be together romantically. I need to heal a lot.”

“I would never assume you did. Now, what kind of dinner sounds good?”


End file.
